Minerva's Merry Marauder Christmas
by gelowo93
Summary: One shot. Minerva and the rest of the staff struggle to cope with the Marauder's mischief making over Christmas. Originally written for the Holiday calender 2011 on cosforums.


**I wrote this as an entry in the Holiday calendar on cosforums, so figured I'd put it up on here. It's a bit late now, but consider it a late Christmas/Hanukkah/whatever holiday you celebrate present :)**

Minerva's Merry Marauder Christmas

Hogwarts castle was a very picturesque castle, whatever the weather. It could be a dull and cloudy day, and yet it would still look like it belonged on a postcard. So, when the grounds and castle were covered in brilliant white snow, with the lake frozen over and Hagrid's cabin looking like a gingerbread house covered in frosting, it was simply a breath taking sight.

The inside of the castle was decorated so that it rivalled the view of the castle from outside. Suits of armour in the halls wore Santa hats, icicles were strung from the banisters, and garlands of holly and ivy adorned the frames of portraits. The decorations in the hallways, however, were nothing compared to the annual explosion of Christmas ornaments that occurred in the Great Hall. The ceiling had been charmed to snow, no matter the weather outside, and baubles in colours relating to the four houses hovered in mid-air along with the candles. But, it was the twelve Christmas trees standing around the edges of the room that were the most awe-inspiring. Each one was decorated with a different miniature version of an item named in the old carol "The Twelve Days of Christmas". Minerva had tried to dissuade Albus from decorating them thus, but he wouldn't hear a word against it.

It wasn't that Minerva McGonagall disliked joining in with the Christmas spirit. In fact, she used to like spending the Christmas holidays at Hogwarts simply because of the decorations, and seeing the awe-struck looks on the students' faces (especially the first years) when they came down to breakfast on the first of December. However, for the past few years, it had been essential that she stay at the castle. A group of particularly unruly students had taken it upon themselves to cause trouble at any possible moment, and Christmas was always the time of the year when the most trouble was caused, especially when extravagant decorations were on display.

As it turned out, Minerva had been right to try to prevent this year's overly decorating of the Great Hall. From the first moment the boys had stepped into the Great Hall, at breakfast on the very first day of December, and their faces had turned into identical grins at the sight of the decorations, she had known that trouble was in store for them all. Not one of the four Gryffindors had noticed her stern look; Minerva wistfully thought that if they had, then they would not have dared to cause as much trouble as they had managed to do so since then.

It had started that evening at dinner. The partridge in the first tree nearest the door had started dive-bombing the students as they entered after classes, occasionally grabbing a pear from its tree and dropping it on an unsuspecting student.

Minerva was not one to punish students without proof of their wrong doing, and in this case, it was not enough that James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew had been some of the first people arriving for their meal. She had nothing that pointed to those boys as perpetrators of this particular prank, even though they were the usual suspects and it was rare for any of the other pranksters to come up with anything beyond using banned Zonko's products.

That time, they had got away with it.

The next day, there was a commotion at breakfast. The two turtle doves that had sat upon the second tree had been transfigured during the night and now resembled turtles with wings. Transfiguring them back wouldn't have been a problem, if it wasn't for the fact that they were flapping around at a dizzying height, and were doing so at a speed that turtles could normally only dream of reaching. Summoning them to get them down had failed, and in the end large nets had had to be constructed in order to capture them, while the student population looked on. Minerva had caught sight of the four boys laughing, something that didn't exactly condemn them, as the majority of the students found the situation amusing. However, Mr Lupin noticed her looking in their direction and he nudged his friends, muttering something to them. They shrugged, seemingly unconcerned.

The second time, they also avoided punishment.

On the third day, Minerva had entered the Great Hall at breakfast cautiously. Suspecting a pattern to the pranks, she glanced at the third tree in the room, but the three miniature French hens were where they ought to be – happily clucking away on their branches. She sighed in relief, but still narrowed her eyes when the four boys entered, hoping to spot one of them with their wand out, trying to enchant the hens on the tree.

Minerva kept a close eye on the friends during breakfast; they had arrived early again, a sure sign that something was due to happen. Students were now starting to trickle in, making it harder for Minerva to keep sight of them at all times. There was no need to, still nothing happened.

That was, until she saw a blurred something shoot across the room, and then a shriek come from the Slytherin table.

All of the teachers turned to look at the Slytherin table. It was hard to see what was happening as students had started to crowd around the girl who was still shouting. There was a scraping noise of a chair being forced backwards and Horace got out of his chair hurrying towards the crowd at the Slytherin table. Keeping watch on the situation, Minerva reached over to the platter of fried eggs.

She had maybe a second's warning. There was a faint whistling noise as something flew through the air and then whatever it was hit her in the face, knocking her glasses onto the table.

The room went blurry, but Minerva could tell that all eyes had turned to her by the way that the Great Hall was overcome by a sudden silence. Someone tapped her on the shoulder, and she gratefully took her glasses back. Once she had put them back on, Minerva saw that she had been right. Every student was looking at the teacher's table, all with equally shocked looks on their faces. Every student, except Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew. Lupin looked horrified, his eyes were wide and staring at her as if she had turned into a dragon in front of their eyes; Pettigrew seemed to be torn between being shocked at what had happened, and finding it amusing, which made him look like he badly need to go to the bathroom; Potter and Black were struggling to keep in their laughter, as they were both clutching their sides - Minerva thought she could see tears of laughter running down their faces.

Minerva turned to look at what it was that had hit her. On her plate, there was a lumpy ball of feathers that had been dazed by the collision. It was starting to move though, and after a few seconds it was moving again, feebly attempted to peck at Minerva's arm. It was one of the miniature hens from the third Christmas tree that must have been charmed. She pointed her wand at it, muttering a simple counter-charm, and it stopped.

Looking over at the Slytherin table, Minerva saw that Horace had managed to calm down the girl who had been attacked by the first hen, which now lay motionless on the table.

The entire student body was still watching her with baited breath.

"If the person or persons who have been enchanting the Christmas decorations doesn't come forward, then when we do find out who it is, they will be severely punished for trying to ruin the spirit of this holiday," Minerva said, her voice echoing around the room and her eyes on the four Gryffindors at all times. As she spoke, the final hen flew from its branch, straight into the face of a Ravenclaw student who had taken the opportunity while everyone else was listening to Minerva speaking to spear a couple of fried eggs on his fork. Minerva pursed her lips.

That evening, Minerva was to be found sat outside the doors to the Great Hall. It had been agreed at that day's staff meeting that the Great Hall would have to be guarded, in order to prevent any more incidents with the ornaments at breakfast. She stayed there all night, undisturbed, with the help of many Wide-eye potions that Horace had in his store cupboard. When she was relieved from her post in the morning by Albus, Minerva was sure that there would not be any interruptions to that day's breakfast.

And she was right; the morning's meal went without anything out of the ordinary happening. However, when she entered the Great Hall for lunch, there was a crowd of teachers huddled around the fourth tree. Feeling her heart sink, Minerva approached the other faculty members and suddenly became the victim of verbal abuse coming from the four calling birds sat in the tree.

"Ooh, look at her, specky-four-eyes –"

"Frowning at us like that, it's as if we've done something wrong –"

"Need to get a sense of humour, deary –"

"She's getting on a bit, though, probably lost any sense of humour along with her memory –"

"I'm going to kill Potter and Black," Minerva said over the birds that carried on jabbering away.

"Now, Minerva, there's nothing to prove it was them," said Albus, his eyes twinkling.

Minerva didn't sleep well that night. Filius had volunteered to guard the Great Hall to keep out any potential pranksters, but she still tossed and turned, wondering how she would be able to catch Potter and his friends red handed. She was adamantly ignoring Albus' words that it might not be them; she had had enough experience of their pranks over the past three years and the pranks of other wannabe pranksters to know the work of the dedicated, and professional – if you could have professional pranksters - rather than the amateur.

Unfortunately, inspiration didn't strike Minerva, and the next week proved to be just as much trouble as the first few days: on the fifth day, the five gold rings that adorned the trees were found to be flying around the Great Hall at breakfast like frisbees, despite Filius guarding it all night; at dinner on the sixth day, the students and teachers were pummelled by eggs from the six geese-a-laying; lunch had to be delayed on the seventh day because of the seven angry full-sized swans wreaking havoc in the Hall; the next day's dinner had to be cancelled and the students had been forced to eat in their common rooms because one of the charms had suspiciously worn off the eight milking maids and their buckets had overflowed until the entire Great Hall had flooded. Minerva's patience had almost snapped at this point, but having still not caught the boys red-handed or plotting during class, she was unable to serve out a punishment and resigned herself to helping the other teachers vanish the flood of milk spreading around the ground floor of the school.

Lying in bed that night, Minerva could only hope that Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew had grown bored of their constant pranking and meals would go back to normal from now on; she was sure that her hair was turning grey from the stress of the past week. And if not, at least there were only four more days left of the Christmas tree decorations being enchanted, only ninety-six hours and it would all be over…

It turned out, that those five thousand seven hundred and sixty minutes were probably the worst of Minerva's time as a teacher.

Apprehension filled Minerva as she walked to the Great Hall the next day at dinner. Breakfast and lunch had passed in an amazingly average fashion, causing Minerva to think that whatever was going to happen, it would happen now. Many students were cautiously entering the Hall as well, obviously scared that they might be attacked as soon as they crossed the threshold.

Minerva had a brief flash of hope upon entering the Great Hall. There was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary happening, and, to make things better, the four boys were sat idly talking, and not huddled together looking as though they were planning something. Feeling happy for the first time in a week, Minerva sat down at her seat on the top table to enjoy her meal.

She supposed, afterwards, that she shouldn't have been so naïve. Potter and his friends were stubborn and unlikely to give up on something halfway through.

Just as the food on the plates had disappeared and been replaced by desserts, there were nine loud _pop_s and the nine dancing figurines of women, which had previously been twirling on the branches of their tree, were now stood, full-sized, alongside the Ravenclaw table. Many of the male students were staring at them, their eyes wide, as the ladies resembled Veela more than the figurines had.

As if that wasn't enough, the Veela-women started sashaying down the aisle towards the top table. When they had reached it, one of them climbed onto a spare chair at the end and then onto the table, with its fellows following it.

There was a moment when no one dared breathe, the nine ladies walked along the table avoiding the plates of food and stopped only when all of them were positioned on the table.

The, slowly, each of them raised their dresses, and proceeded to perform the Can-Can on the staff table.

Minerva raised her wand, and she wasn't the only teacher who had. They all had their wands out and were attempting to remove whatever charms had been placed on the nine-ladies-dancing. No matter what they tried, they couldn't make them shrink back to their original size, stop dancing, or vanish them. All the staff could do was wait until they stopped dancing.

The majority of the students were laughing, whether because they found the situation funny or because they found it awkward, Minerva couldn't tell. She could see that a lot of the girls had been laughing to start with, but were now bored of the entertainment and had continued eating. Minerva found Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew in the crowd and wasn't surprised to see that they had joined in with the students laughing.

Eventually, the ladies stopped dancing. A few of the students found it necessary to applaud them as there were another nine _pop_s and they vanished, leaving only nine small figurines on the table between dishes of desserts.

Minerva closed her eyes, and counted to ten.

The next day was just as bad. Mid-way through breakfast, the ten leaping Lords - that had previously been perfectly content to leap around the tree they had been placed on – decided that this was no longer enough room for them. At first it seemed to be a harmless prank as the miniature men hopped along the tables, but before long they had started jumping into the bowls of food and jugs of drink, covering the students with a myriad of foodstuffs. One of the students (Minerva had been keeping an eye on Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew and hadn't seen who it was) deemed it appropriate to start a food fight, resulting in the entire room being covered in mess and students taking cover underneath the House tables. It took the teachers several minutes to attract the attention of everyone, and for the students to quieten, which required the help of several loud firecrackers conjured from Dumbledore's wand.

_Only two more days_, Minerva thought to herself as she started vanishing the food.

It was with the resigned air of someone who had long since learnt to cope with whatever came her way that Minerva made her way down to the Great Hall for breakfast the next day. She was one of the last there as she had been up all night making sure that nobody – particularly no four Gryffindors – could get in, and after a couple of hours sleep once Argus had taken over her position just before dawn, she was back again.

Despite their best efforts, Minerva could tell that _something_ had happened before she had even crossed the threshold. The noise from the Great Hall could be heard from the grand staircase, which was never a good sign.

Taking a deep breath, Minerva pushed open the doors to the Great Hall and was almost deafened by the noise. It wasn't just students being rowdy, there seemed to be some loud and terribly out of tune music playing. Minerva didn't have to look far to find the source of what was causing this; a group of teachers was stood around one of the Christmas trees, and all of them had their wands out.

Drawing her own wand, Minerva went to join them.

As she drew nearer, Albus spotted her approach and made room for her in the circle, allowing Minerva the chance to see for herself the cause of the din; the eleven pipers, that had played nothing but quiet background music and sat peacefully on their tree for ten days, were now marching up and down the branches, playing the worst music Minerva had ever heard (including Celestina Warbeck's warbling).

"But… I was outside all night. There's no way anyone could have got in to charm them," Minerva shouted over the noise.

"I believe our young pranksters may be more ingenious than we give them credit for," said Dumbeldore.

Minerva's nostrils flared. She raised her wand, attempting a simple silencing charm on the pipers. Instead of going silent, they seemed to increase in volume.

"As I said, ingenious." Minerva turned to look at Albus just in time to see his beard twitch.

At last – _at last_ – the twelfth of December dawned upon them, and with it the last day of the trees in the Great Hall being used for pranks, or so Minerva hoped. She couldn't imagine any way that the other decorations in the Hall could be enchanted to terrorise the Hogwarts population while they ate. So it was in a cautiously light-hearted mood that she got ready for the day and went down for breakfast.

To make her mood even better, there was nothing mysterious happening as Minerva entered the Great Hall. She took her seat, smiling to herself. One part of her was determined to catch Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew red-handed, while the other was merely happy that the endless pranking would be over. She must have looked, quite frightening, however, as Poppy Pomfrey asked her whether she was feeling well.

"I'm perfectly well, thank you, Poppy. Just glad that the pranks will be coming to an end."

As she spoke, Minerva caught sight of the four boys entering the Hall, and her smile widened. Lupin must have noticed, because he said something to his friends that she couldn't hear, and they all turned to look at her, before quickly taking a seat. Minerva resumed eating her toast.

It happened halfway through breakfast.

There was no warning; one second the twelve drummers were where they were supposed to be, and the next they were walking through the air. But they weren't just walking aimlessly, or doing harm to any of the students. No, they were gravitating towards the Gryffindor table, and, more specifically, towards four Gryffindor boys who had terrified looks on their faces.

The drummers proceeded towards Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew, and everyone's eyes were following them. When the drummers reached them, there was a moment when nothing happened.

Then, the drummers started using the boys' heads as drums.

"Argh," Potter shouted, struggling to bat away the three drummers that were attacking him, while Pettigrew was attempting to hide under the table to get away from them. Black had his wand out, obviously trying to perform the countercharm, and Lupin had covered his head with his arms.

"Why isn't the counter spell working? Remus – Remus, what do I do?" Black was shouting.

"I don't know, do I? I wasn't with you when you charmed the blasted things."

"But you're clever, you – argh!" Black cried out in shock as Potter, whose glasses had been knocked off, collided with him, and they both ended up on the floor.

While the four boys were preoccupied, Minerva got up from the top table and swiftly made her way to where they were fighting with the drummers. With a wave of her wand, they stopped drumming on their heads and fell to the floor. The four Gryffindors looked up in unison to see their saviour, though their expressions went from ones of relief to ones of fear in milliseconds.

"Detention, for the four of you."

"But, Professor, we haven't – " Potter started with the most innocent expression on his face, but he quickly cut off, after Minerva gave him a stern look over the top of her glasses.

"No buts. The four of you will receive detention every evening until Christmas Eve, as I believe you are all staying at Hogwarts for the holidays. Tonight, you will meet Hagrid at his cabin."

"What are we doing?" Pettigrew piped up.

"Hagrid has been looking for someone to help him clean the Hippogriff enclosure; you will assist him, and you will do it without magic."

All Minerva needed was one look at the four identical horror-struck faces to know that her job was done. As she turned away, she had a feeling that it would be a merry Christmas after all.

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